Long drawn out way to say "Happy Craniofacial Acceptance Month!". Seriously-no sarcasm here. September really is Craniofacial Acceptance Month.
So #1-if you are a cranio family in the DFW area I hope you are planning on attending the picnic this Saturday and we look forward seeing you there! More info at www.ccakids.com.
#2...in an effort to promote craniofacial acceptance I have pasted an article I wrote for something else that addresses talking to your young children about differences. It was also attached this year to my 'meet Sam' letter. Enjoy!
As a parent of a child with Treacher Collins Syndrome, we get a lot of unexpected thrown at us and families quickly learn to roll with the punches and navigate what seems like impossible situations. However, there is one situation we often find ourselves in that relies on other families to be responsible and navigate their own potentially awkward social situations. I am baffled time and time again when I see parents ‘dodging the questions’.
We have a son born with Treacher Collins Syndrome, a genetic syndrome that is characterized by severe facial deformities. Nearly every time we are out in the community we are approached by another child with questions like: “What happened to him?”, “Why does he look that way?”, or “What’s wrong with him?” When the questions are coming from a child they are almost always coming from a good place; they are simply curious. I am happy to answer those questions and help the child understand that everyone has differences. Nonetheless, the reaction is typically a very embarrassed parent rushing over to distract the child or encourage them to play somewhere else. I understand their embarrassment, but they should also understand I know my child looks different.
So how do you bring the subject up? In my profession they are called “teachable moments”. So take advantage of a learning opportunity. Of course, the difficult part is you don’t know when the opportunity is coming so you need to be prepared. When your child asks the question, “Why does he look that way?” go ahead and answer as best you can by focusing on the differences and then how we are all different. Highlight differences your child has always known in his or her life that may not be as severe- different races, different eye or hair color, glasses, gender. If you have other, more prominent differences in your life focus on those as well-anyone in a wheelchair, a physical handicap, or mental handicap. You probably want to also touch on similarities to shift the focus from ‘how are we different?’ to ‘how are we alike?”.
“He does look different from you, but he probably likes French fries like you do, or has brown hair like you do.”
If accepting diversity is top priority in your family, I suggest assessing the situation and if the family seems open to a conversation, feel free to start one. Only once has a mother approached me with, “my daughter has a couple of questions about your son-do you mind answering them?” Of course I didn’t. Parents of children with different needs can be in various stages of accepting the difference, but you can feel safe that if they are out in the community that they have come to terms with it on some level and are in a good place. We are all striving for our kids to live as normal of a life as possible and being accepted by our communities is a big part. By ignoring the questions our kids ask we are teaching them it is not okay: it is not okay to ask questions and it is not okay to explore the possibilities. Early childhood literature tells us time and time again, young children learn from experiences so it is our goal to make them as meaningful as possible.
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